I have just had to make a difficult decision and the thing that made it difficult was that my answer was a no. I really like people to be happy and so usually I am more than willing to help when they need it. But this time, I had to say no and it is killing me because I am torn between making someone happy and doing what I feel is right for me. Today while I was taking a walk, I was listening to some music and a song which I had never heard, The Redeemer by Sanctus Real, came on. One line caught me off guard:
"I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve"
Suddenly it brought to my attention, that is exactly the opposite of how I am. I always want to wear a perfect heart on my sleeve. Even when I am hurting to the point of a breakdown, I am almost always show the opposite just to keep the peace. I always want that which is easy to hear, and I try to have an answer for every unanswered prayer. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. Sometimes, I need to accept my weaknesses, accept that I am hurting, accept that I cannot do something. Basically, I need to accept my weaknesses. The good news is that it doesn't stop there, the song goes on to say:
"cuz in the middle of y broken dreams, redemption is here."
God in His mercy, is more than willing to pick up where we cannot. So we can indeed be honest and wear our tattered hearts knowing that someone greater than you has it all in control. One of life's hardest lessons comes in knowing that sometimes happiness lies in accepting your weaknesses.
"My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
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